Facing my fears

I know I am not the most consistent person in the world, but when I have the urge to blog I will. Like now, its 10 past 1 on a Wednesday morning and I have to be up in a few hours for work. 

This is going to be something a bit different but I think its time that I spoke about something that has bothered me my entire life. My weight.

Ever since I can remember I have been uncomfortable with my size. I could not name a time where I felt happy with it. in recent years I have gained weight and thought nothing of it and over time marks appeared and I couldn't handle it, when people say that stretch marks are like a tiger who have earned their stripes I could not disagree more in my case. I see the marks as a failure, my body fighting back and telling me that I shouldn't be like this. Since coming home from university I have realised how much of a difference healthy eating and regular exercise can have on your mood, your size and your body. Countless nights clubbing and drinking really do take their toll on you, I have had the best year of my life with some of the best people I have ever met but I know it is time to change for the better. 

being happy and comfortable in my own skin has been a personal goal for a long time, and someone can tell you that you are beautiful until they are blue in the face, but that will fall on deaf ears until you as a person accept and believe that. Don't get me wrong I love wearing clothes that accentuate my best bits (I always have and always will love my bum) but that tight dress that makes my bum rival Kimmy K's will cling to my stomach or my arms in a way that will make me change at least 3 more time before I go out. Countless times have a caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and wondered what on earth i was thinking wearing that crop top with short sleeves and jeans. I constantly nit pic and critique myself to the point where a baggy tee and jeans will always do. 

Recently though I have bought clothes that are out of my comfort zone and as well as trying to loose weight, trying to also accept my body. You have this body for the rest of your life and if you choose not to love it you can't just return it and get a new one. 

I'm writing this post to not only get these thoughts off my chest but to hopefully reach out to other people who face the same problem I do. If you think you are too big, too small or you are just unhappy with your body its time to embrace your flaws and realise that you only get one life so you really should just live it. the size that you are does not determine who you are. You could be looking in a magazine and see catwalk models wanting to be that thin. however that girl who has a similar build to those models could be looking at you wondering why she doesn't have boobs and a bum. There is a vicious cycle going on in the world, one minute people are praised for their slimness, next week its all about 'belfies' and embracing your curves. As long as you are happy with who you are then why does it matter what size you are. 

See today as a turning point, a time to realise that you are not alone and no matter what you want to achieve, mentally, physically and emotionally just remember you are the one with the power, the control and the tools to make things happen.

In the words of Ru Paul, if you can't love yourself how in the hell you gunna love somebody else. If you take anything from this just remember to love yourself and who you are. If you are happy then continue with what you do to make you happy. Self love can take a while to develop but once you start its hard to go back to the way that you are. I'm not saying that one day I will be a size 8, because for me that wouldn't personally make me happy. One day I hope to walk past my reflection and not always look at myself and poke and prod at the bits that make me unhappy. I am a happy person who is unhappy with their body and that is why I'm going to change it.

Surround yourself with the people you love, wear that dress, put on that bright lipstick, go to that festival you've always wanted to go to. Don't let anyone, especially yourself stop you from doing the things that you love.